Getting engaged can be one of the happiest moments of your life – if you don’t have to deal with drama, that is. These Redditors just wanted nice engagement parties, but instead they faced everything from awkward conversations about footing the bill to run-ins with cheating significant others. They took their predicaments to Reddit’s ever-popular r/AmItheA**hole to let commenters decide once and for all who is in the right, and who doesn’t have anything to celebrate.
Stories have been edited for length and clarity.
I’m pretty unsure about this so I decided to ask Reddit. I (M30) have been friends with John (M31) since we were 11. He is my oldest friend. We are not each other’s best friends but we’ve just always been around for everything.
About four years ago, I met my girlfriend Jane (28F). She’s beautiful and smart and the nicest person I know. She even moved cities just to be with me. We have been living together for 2 years now. John has met Jane multiple times, he’s stayed at our apartment when he was in town, we’ve spent many weekends hanging out together and he usually comes to Jane for girl advice. Jane is very fond of John and sees him as the brother she never had.
Fast forward to mid 2023, John meets a girl (let’s call her Jill). He falls head over heels in love and has spoken about her in length to Jane and I. He’s taken her advice on how to text and date ideas to impress Jill. After only 7 months of dating, John popped the question. Jill said yes and they were officially engaged. John sent a picture of them after they got engaged on the group chat that he, Jane and I have and Jane was the first to call him up and congratulate him. They had an engagement party in Jill’s hometown this week. She’s from the east coast and we were out west.
John sent me a personal invitation through text. The invitation did not specify plus ones so I was a little confused. I thought it was safe to assume Jane was invited too. The next time I had a conversation with John, I casually mention how excited Jane is about the party and that she is already looking up flight tickets to which John replies “oh, she’s not invited.” I was a little taken aback but I asked him why and he just nonchalantly said “I’m not giving a lot of people plus ones. Only the married ones.” I found this unfair for multiple reasons – firstly, Jane was not just my plus one. She was his friend, too. He has spent many hours and weekends hanging out with her. They have inside jokes. She has him over for dinner often. And secondly, I have plans of proposing. Bought a ring and everything. If everything goes well, Jane will be engaged to me by her next birthday in a couple months. John is aware of this.
I told Jane about everything and she was very disappointed. But she said it was his party and he has the right to invite who he wants. She is not angry and wants me to go without her. She even continued to browse online for an engagement present for John and Jill.
In the end, I did not attend the party. I may be overreacting but this feels disrespectful. John messaged me on the days leading up to the party and worded his messages carefully. “Looking forward to seeing you soon. I’ll introduce you to my college mates so you won’t feel lonely this weekend.” I messaged him saying I will not be attending for various reasons – it’s a long expensive trip and I do not feel like making it alone. And it’s just a small party. I will definitely be there for the wedding. He has not messaged me back since. I don’t feel guilty for choosing to stay at home with my GF but I can’t help but wonder – AITA?